I was born in a very affluent, good, religious and loving family I never dwelled on the question of: ‘who am I’? ‘Where I have come from’?’ What is my role as an atom in the universe’? In ignorance I never made distinction between mind and soul(witness). I took ‘Guru Mantra’ 15 years back I was quite young and naïve where going to my Sadguru’s place was to have good Sunday brunch of hot pranthas and chole. Soon I was engrossed in world labeling myself as nothing more than someone’s daughter, wife, mother or sister. Doing everything for them and expecting in return. The discourses which Sadguru honored in his Holy soft loving voice I used to hear from one ear and pass out to another. When I tried to sit in meditation in the beginning it felt like as if I’m put in a cage …..It was tormenting. I thought I will not be able to meditate ever …..Phew!
My Adhaar (base) of existence became world and I was led by my mind, without realizing that mind thinks and imagine only on the sole subject of the world. Therefore left to itself it will only weave the net of delusion, fear, discontentment, moha (attachment) in the name of love, hatred, insecurity etc. No matter how good God put everything in place and order ……but my mind would either pick something from the past or future leaving me miserable and fearful. If my union with the pleasant happened I was happy, moment it left I turn gloomy. I walked the earth seeking truth and happiness yet everything which promised me joy and happiness gave me misery and frustrations. Then I realized the fickleness of mind and instability of the world.
So I turned to GOD. When my urge for constant joy, love, bliss and contentment arose……I started reading Bhagwad Gita again and again where I found 2 directions by Lord Shri Krishana one go to a Tatvgyani Sadguru which will lead to light from darkness and meditation is that nectar which tastes as poison in the beginning but turns Amrittulya (ambrosia) afterwards.
I realized I need to withdraw from outside and seek soothing, healing bliss and joy of the Self within. My brother who was aware of what I was going through advised me to seek solace in meditation. Then one night Sadguru appeared in my dream only to wake me up from the deep slumber. Soon I started hearing Sadguru’s discourses C.D.’s about meditation. It is true that knowledge is always taken and not given as it happened with me. I started following simple directions and sutras to meditate and lead life without ego, attachments and involving myself emotionally in any task by staying detached.
Last month I attended Advanced Meditation Camp in Chattarpur led by my Sadguru where I incorporated Sadguru’s tried and tested instructions within myself. There I felt my Sadguru’s limitless lovely and compassionate vibrations to heal myself and to walk on the path of God. Sadguru guides us that we should never seek God with any ulterior motive but seek him for love with devotion and gratitude. He will reveal HIMSELF. I negated that GOD has given me healthy body, place to live comfortably, sustaining me financially and nice loving family now what can I offer to My Data (provider)? It is only my gratitude, unique loving creative devotion. Meditation for me is an appointment with God and nothing in this world is more important than having a meeting with Him. I find immeasurable joy in keeping HIM in my consciousness and then doing Karmas. I have started taking every adversity as a challenge to train myself and become more beautiful and strong Soul.
Only a low minded or say donkey like personality will not cultivate dispassion(vairagya) even after one misery is overtaken by another and after one misfortune another happens, I have decided to not to be an animal when God has made me priceless human. In meditation healthy endorphin hormones from Pituitary and Hypthalamus (brain centers) are secreted which gave me a feeling of well being. Once in His discourses Sadguru stated that ‘Dagshai’ is ‘Baikunth’ (Paradise) that stuck in me that similarly I also need to create a ‘Baikunth’ wherever I live……I try to keep away all negativity and just infuse one feeling i.e. ‘jagat ka kalyaan ho!’ Pay immense gratitude for everything HE has bestowed on me.
My Sadguru is an awakened Soul who guides his disciples through His own experience and simplifying the process of meditation. He simplifies the ways to live life through easy and simple principles, disciplines and ‘sutras. By incorporating these simple sutras my life has become less chaotic. Now I live life in a carefree rejoicing state because when one treads the path of VIRAAT (Almighty) He takes care of everything else. Sadguru have guided me to create a feeling of love for GOD Almighty. Earlier I was aimless, now I have got a purpose to be filled as an atom in the universe.
I feel a splash of life, creativity and enthusiasm in me. Viraat has given a different DNA to every being on earth it means HE want every individual to be unique in his/her beauty. He has sent me for a purpose and I am not here accidentally. In the Advance Camp I had a feeling that Mother Earth is rotating on its orbit in two ways one around the Sun with the speed of 67000miles/per hour(365DAYS) and around its axis with a speed of 1670km/hour(24hours), still everything is perfectly intact meanwhile I am meditating in Sadguru’s vicinity ……….what can be a greater miracle than this ? And what more useful opportunity could Viraat give than this?
So as in Bhagwad Gita Arjuna says “Nashton Moha Smirti Labdha” similarly in Sadguru’s vicinity my Moha is also eradicated and I have accessed my memory of being an Ansh (part) of Viraat is attained. I have just started treading my incomplete spiritual journey and I am sure even if I am near or far my dearest Sadguru will send me positive vibrations to make my journey easy and smooth even if many ups and downs will come. I have rendered to His Holy Feet now whole responsibility, it is in His hands to sail me through ‘Bhavsagar’ (worldly ocean).